i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize