Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
