She said her name was "party"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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