i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
