Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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