Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
