I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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