I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
