Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
