Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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