How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
