Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
