Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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