and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
