mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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