There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize