i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
