the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
