she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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