i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everything about him screamed your future.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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