singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
