I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
