tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize