I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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