Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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