How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
