I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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