Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
