One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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