I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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