Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
