I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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