I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
