Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
