The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
