I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
