well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
