I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
