I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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