Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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