i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
