Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
