enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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