do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize