Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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