I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
