The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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