I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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