When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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