And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
