Dual....:-)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
