She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
