I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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