life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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