My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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