I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
