so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My ATM looks so different sober.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
