I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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