it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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