Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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