Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
