A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize