And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
