just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
