Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
