The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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