last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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