I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
