There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
