I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
