So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize