she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm both gender and math confused
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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