evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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