I feel like abortions should bother me more
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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