why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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