just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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