also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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