she peed on how many people?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
