I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
