what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
