Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
