Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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