Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
