I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
