All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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